Just a Collection of IU and ND Jokes that all Purdue Fans enjoy

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Screw IU

Now we know what Cam Cameron really
thinks of IU The Real Bobby Knight
IU Comic IU Athletic Fee

Doonesbuy Cartoon About Bobby Knight

IU Cartoon, that I found on the web, not sure where

IU Violations Cartoon, that I found on the web, not sure where

A seven year old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the boy. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to his aunt.

The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and refused to live there.

When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents. The boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. The judge dramatically allowed the boy to choose who should have custody of him.

Custody was granted to the I. U. Basketball team this morning as the boy firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone.


3 friends all wanted to go to the same college.
One of them said," I.U."
The next guy said," Let's go to Notre Dame."
The last guy said," Let's go to Purdue."
To decide between themselves they all decided to give reasons.
The I.U. guy went first. He said," At I.U. they teach you good education skills."
The Notre Dame guy was next. He said," At Notre Dame they teach you great athletic skills."
Finally it was the Purdue guy's turn. He said," We really need to go to Purdue, because there they teach you to tell the truth." ****************************************************************************

A Farmer in Indiana

A farmer was working his cattle one day when he heard faint music coming from nearby. After hunting about for a time, he discovered the sound was loudest near one particular calf, and was even louder near the calf's tail. Putting his head close to the calf's hind end, he heard the Indiana University fight song.

Amazed, he put the calf in the truck and drove the animal to a veterinarian in Indianapolis. When the vet asked him what was going on, the farmer told him. The vet went around behind the calf and gave a listen too. He agreed he heard the Indiana fight song but didn't seem particularly excited.

"Man, how can you stand there and not be amazed?" the farmer asked.

The vet, a third generation Purdue University graduate, said, "Bud, I'm a Purdue fan, and I've been listening to assholes sing that song all of my life."

An Boilermaker alum, a Hoosier alum and a Notre Dame alum were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheik decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik suddenly said, "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Hoosier alum was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said, "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The Hoosier alum had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.

The Notre Dame alum was next up (he almost finished an entire fifth by himself), and after watching the scene, said "All Right! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again, sending the Notre Dame Alum out crying like a little girl.

The Boilermaker Alum was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You support the greatest team in the world, your supporters are some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thanks, your most Royal Highness," the Boilermaker Alum replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asks.

"Tie the Notre Dame Alum to my back."

HAIL Purdue!

The Images for this new page came from a Purdue Fan. Unfortunately I lost his email so I don't remember his name. I hope you enjoy the page anyway.
Revelations at the 2002 IU Coaches Clinic!!

Well I have heard comments that we don't make enough fun of Notre Dame here so here is a site that will do it for us. Click the picture to go to the site:

Click to see the ND Sucks Website

A highly recruited high school basketball player was visiting Big Ten schools to try to find the best college for him. His first stop was at Bloomington.When he got there, head coach Bobby Knight immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. The young man was shocked by all this.He asked the coach what was so special about the golden phone. "Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells us whether or not new recruits would be stars at our university." The athlete asked if he could use the phone to ask God what college he should pick. "Sure, you can! But it's going to cost you $250. Calling Heaven ain't cheap. The fellow didn't have that kind of money, so he moved along.
His next stop was Ann Arbor. Once at Brian Ellerbe's office, Coach Ellerbe immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, "Thank you, God" and hung up. The boy said, "Hey, I've seen those phones before. Can I use yours to call God and ask what college I should pick?" Ellerbe said, "Sure, but it's going to cost you $150. Calling Heaven isn't cheap." Again, not having that kind of money, the lad left.
His last stop was West Lafayette. Upon arrival at Gene Keady's office, Coach Keady picked up a golden telephone, talked to God, and said, "Thanks," and hung up. The boy just had to use that phone, so he said,"Coach, I really need to use that golden telephone so I can call God and ask him which college I should choose. From IU it was going to cost 250. From Michigan they wanted $150. So how much will it cost me to call Heaven from here at Purdue?" Coach Keady smiled and said, "Nothing, son. It's a local call."
Courtesy of South Bend Boiler
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** Bob Knight was uncertain if he should take the Texas Tech job so he decided to consult with God. "God", the coach said, "Should I take the Texas Tech job?"
God replied, "No".
Bob then asked, "Well God if I don't take the Texas Tech job what am I going to do."
God replied, "Bob, I knew this day would come before you were even born, so I created a world specifically for you."
Bob,excitedly asks God, "Well, what world have you given me to me."
"Why the planet Uranus or course!", replied God.
Courtesy of Mike Ohaver
**************************************************************************** ****************************************************************************
The Infamous Comb Over

Purdue University Basketball Coach Gene Keady's

Tips for looking your best

10. Shake your head violently. If a single hair moves - Keep Spraying!!
09. You can find some snazzy ties in the stadium lost and found.
08. Always comb with the grain, Not against it.
07. Yelling at players makes your face purple -That's sort of like having a tan.
06. Tight pants highlight the fact that you are a member of the "BIG TEN".
05. Don't be one of those guys with Hair plugs - I mean who do they think they are fooling?
04. I live by one simple rule, Try to look better than Dick Vitale.
03. On special occasions I like to use a little eye liner.
02. Never under any circumstances go to Letterman's barber.
01. Forget the "SIX-PACK" abs just go for the six-pack.

How do you keep and IU football player out of your yard.
Put up a goal post

Bobby Knight was having a sale at his furniture store.
A lady asked what the sale was.....
Bobby said...
If you buy a couch and I'll throw in the chair for free.
Late one night a Purdue Alum left West Lafayette heading towards Bloomington, while at the same time a Hoosier alum left BLoomington heading towards West Lafayette. Around Indianapolis they run into each other in a horrific crash. Both cars end up in ditches on opposite sides of the road and the cars almost totalled. Miracously both alums survive. The Hoosier alum climbs out of the car and gives Thanks to God for letting him survive such an awful accident. The Boilermaker alum climbs out a minute or so later. He also gives thanks to God for letting him survive. As they both survey the damage the Boilermaker says to the Hoosier "This must be a sign from God that we need to end this petty rivalry that is tearing us apart.".
The Hoosier agrees.
The Boilermaker reaches into his car and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and says "Let's make a toast to our new found friendship.". He then hands the bottle over to the Hoosier, who takes the bottle and takes several big swallows.
As the Hoosier hands the bottle back to the Boiler he says "Your Turn"
The Boilermaker takes the bottle, screws the cap back on and says to the Hoosier,
"No Thanks, I think I will wait for the State Police!!!"

Purdue and Indiana are playing in their annual Oaken Bucket game. It turns out to be one of the classic games in the series. The winner goes to a bowl game, gets the Bucket and gets bragging rights for a year. The loser gets nothing.
Indiana is driving down the field in the 4'TH quarter. They get to the Purdue 5 yard line with the score Purdue 31 Indiana 27. After 3 attempts to get the ball in for a touchdown they are down to their last attempt. Cam Cameron looks to the sky and asks God what play he should run in this situation.
God answers back "Run Right" Cam immediately signals the play into his offense. As the quarterback takes the ball and hands off to his running back, he is demolished by the Purdue linebacker causing a fumble and Purdue wins the game.
After the game Cam is sitting alone in his office. He looks to the sky again and asks God, "How come you told me to run that play, It seemed like they knew it was coming?"
God replied; "Hold on I'll have to ask Joe Tiller for the answer to that question."
Did you know that IU women are so phoney that they fake orgasm when they are by themselves?
Bobby Knight dies after living a full life.
God was showing him around Heaven. They came to a modest little house with a faded IU flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Bobby," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Bobby felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way to the porch, he noticed another house around the corner. It was a three story mansion with a black and gold sidewalk, 50 foot tall flag pole with an enormous Purdue logo flag, and every window sported Purdue curtains.
Bobby looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was a darn good basketball coach, I won a lot of games and a few championships."
God said, "So what do you want to know Bobby?"
"Well, why does Gene Keady get a better house than I do?"
God chuckled and said, "Bobby, that is not Gene's house, it's mine."

3 college students (one IU, one Notre dame and one Purdue) are flying in an airplane. each one proclaimed the superiority of their schools and what their school had done for them.
Note dame guy: I really feel that I've gotten a good education and the spiritual part has made me a better person.
Purdue guy: Purdue is one of the top agriculture, engineering and sciences schools in the country. why an education ...
IU guy interrupts: I'm the smartest s.o.b. in the world because I done went and gone to university of Indiana. we'uns is all smarter then you Purdue pukes ...
suddenly, the plane develops engine trouble. the pilot grabs a parachute leaving 2 for the remaining 3. the Purdue and Notre Damer look at each other when the IU guy grabs a pack, puts it on his back and jumps out the door yellin', "see ya suckers."
Notre Damer looks at the Purdue guy and says, "you take the last parachute. Father Hesburgh will be proud of me."
Purdue guy: don't worry about it. there's 2 parachutes left. the smartest s.o.b. in the world that done went and gone to university of Indiana just grabbed my back pack full of books and jumped out the plane ...

Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Midwest/Big Ten school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.
They continued to argue all the way up the mountain and finally as they reached the top, the Wolverine hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "THIS IS FOR MICHIGAN!!" as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be outdone, the Hoosier threw himself off the mountain exclaiming, "THIS IS FOR Indiana!!"
Seeing this the Boilermaker walked over and shouted "THIS IS FOR EVERYONE!!" and pushed the Notre Dame Grad off the side of the mountain.

Three men were seated in the same row of a plane. Two of them had been conversing for awhile, when one of them said to another, "I'll bet you're a Princeton man".
"You're right", the other replied. "How did you figure that out?"
"Well", he said, "your vocabulary, your political philosophy, and the cut of your sport coat, which obviously comes from the Campus Shop in Princeton Square, made it pretty easy".
The third man now joined in. "That's pretty amazing. Can you figure out where I went to school?"
The reply was unhesitating: "Indiana University".
Dumfounded, the man asked, "How on earth did you figure that out so quickly?"
"I happened to notice your class ring while you were picking your nose".

Q: What do IU grads and tornadoes have in common? A: They both end up in trailer parks.
If a couple of IU grads got married after school, moved away and got divorced 4 years later, would they still be brother and sister?


Why was Jesus not born in Bloomington?
Well, while God was able to find a virgin, he couldn't find a single wise man.


Four friends from the same high school (all football players) went away to college, two to Purdue and two to IU. Every summer after school lets out, they meet for an annual challenge. This year it was the IU student's choice for the challenge. After giving this much thought, they decided to go to a Purdue test farm and see who could outlast the other in a pig barn. After meeting there, the four walked in together. Twenty minutes later the two Purdue students came running out holding their noses, tears running down their face. One said to the other "I can't take it anymore, they win" Two minutes later, the pigs come running out.


Where is the most common place to find an IU graduate?
At the McDonald's drive thru window asking you if you would like ketchup with your fries.


Here's one for you:

A Notre Dame grad, IU grad, and Purdue grad are all doing their business at the urinals, and afterward they go to wash their hands. The Notre Dame grad washes his hands and dries them off with a wad of paper and states "At Notre Dame they taught us to be very thorough in everything we do." The IU grad then washes his hands with little soap and water and dries them with a small piece of paper and states "At IU we were taught to be economically conscious and not to waste anything." The Purdue grad exits the restroom without washing his hands at all, and when the other two men met up with him outside, the Purdue grad stated "At Purdue, they taught us not to piss on our hands...."

What are the best four years of an IU student's life?
Third grade.


A Hawkeye, a Hoosier, and a Boilermaker were walking together and came across a magic lamp, and out popped a genie. 'I will give you one wish a piece,' says the genie. The Hawkeye said 'I'm studying to be a farmer. I want 1,000 acres of the most fertile farmland in the world and I want it to remain fertile forever.' 'Your wish is granted,' the genie said.
The Hoosier was amazed and looked at the genie said: 'I don't want any outsiders coming into our precious city. I want a wall around Bloomington, to keep undesirables out.' The Genie said: 'Your wish is granted.'
The Boilermaker was also amazed looked at the genie and said, 'I'm curious, tell me more about this wall.' The genie said, 'It's 250 feet high, and 50 feet thick, no one can get in or out.' The Boilermaker says, 'Fill it up with water.'

Two IU fans boarded a shuttle flight out of Dallas for Houston. One sat In the window seat; the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, A Purdue fan got on and took the aisle seat next the IU fans. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the IU fan in the Window seat said, 'I think I'll get up and get a coke.' 'No problem,' said the Purdue fan, 'I'll get it for you.'
While he was gone, the IU fan picked up the Purdue fan's shoe and spit in it. When the Purdue fan returned with the coke, the other IU fan said, 'That looks good, I think I'll have one too?' Again, the Purdue fan obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the IU fan picked up the other shoe and spit in it.
The Purdue fan returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Purdue fan slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. 'How long must this go on?' the Purdue fan asked.
'This enmity between our peoples?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?'

A Purdue building contractor, discussing paint schemes with a couple, asked which color they had picked for their kitchen. The lady responded with vanilla white. 'No problem,' the Purdue grad replied as he opened the window and screamed out, 'GREEN SIDE UP.' The couple didn't think much of it and proceeded to the living room. The Purdue grad then asked which color they had decided on for the living room and they replied with hazelnut beige. At that point, the Purdue grad opened the window and yelled, 'GREEN SIDE UP.' The couple worried at this point but not saying anything followed the contractor into the master bedroom. The contractor asked what color they wanted the bedroom painted and they indicated pure white was their favorite. Once again, the contractor opened the window and blasted, 'GREEN SIDE UP.'
That's when the lady spoke, 'Sir, we've been in three rooms, each a different color, but you scream 'green side up' after we tell you a color for the room, what's up?' 'I'm sorry,' the contractor said, 'I should have told you before we started, I've got a couple of IU grads laying sod outside.'

Why do IU graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
To justify their handicapped parking.


Why don't IU teams have ice on the sidelines?
The guy with the recipe graduated.

What do you get when you drive slowly by the IU campus?
A degree.


What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a IU football player?
Six more weeks of bad football.


How many IU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it's a second year course.

How do you get a IU graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.


The IU football team was placed in a remedial English class. The Professor asked the class, 'Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?'
All of the players raised their hands. 'The appeal,' they shouted with pride.


What does the average IU player get on his SAT's?


An IU football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.


Well ... At Michigan it takes two. One to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as well as any Ivy Leaguer.

At Northwestern it takes four. One to change the bulb, two to place bets on how long it will take, and one to run the book.

At Michigan State it takes five. One to screw in the bulb, and four to figure out how to get high off the old one.

At Purdue it takes six, one to screw in the bulb, and the other five to keep Coach Keady from fuming about it burning out.

At Ohio State it takes six. One to change it, four to talk about how Woody would have done it, and the last one to throw the old bulb at Michigan students.

At Wisconsin it takes seven. One to change it, two to mix the drinks, and four to shop for the perfectJ. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.

At Illinois it takes eight, and each one gets four semester credit hours for it.

At Indiana it takes nine. One to screw it in, and eight to discuss how much brighter it shines during basketball season.

At Minnesota it takes twelve. Two to figure out how to screw it in, and ten to find an ugly enoughlampshade to match their school colors.

At Penn State it takes 100. One to change it, 49 to talk about how they do it better than Penn, and 50 who realize it's all a lie.

But, at Iowa....

....it takes none. There is no electricity in Iowa.

Well I hope you have all enjoyed the jokes. If you would like to send me more feel free. Just send them to jaxboiler@yahoo.com

This says it all don't you think?

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